Ok. I promise I won’t get mad if you’ve forgotten about me. Seriously. I’ve been terrible at blogging lately. Oops. I promise I’m still here. I’ve just had an awful lot going on…finishing my first year of law school, interning for a judge this summer, a fabulous trip to Ireland (!!!!), starting my second year of law school (!!!)…the list goes on and on.
You’re in luck. I’ve always said that my writing will never leave me, no matter what’s happening in my world. That being said, I thought I’d dip my toes back into the writing pool and publish a blog entry. Here goes.
Other than starting my second year of school, I’ve also moved out of my family home! Big deal, right? No? Wrong answer. It’s a HUGE deal that I’ve moved out. And not just because I’m the youngest bird finally leaving the nest. It’s more than that. You guessed correctly this time. It’s because I’m disabled. Crutches and all, I moved out of my hometown borough to a whole other part of New York City. My goal was to be closer to school. Done and done. School is a beautiful 15 minute car ride from my new apartment, which is a blessing…especially with the two night classes I’m taking this semester.
Before you ask, I’m not living alone. I brought my favorite person in the world with me. Living with my boyfriend has been a dream. It’s pretty cool to have one of my biggest supporters also be my roommate. Ok, understatement of the century right there. More on living with my guy another time.
The biggest adjustment for me would have to be living in a new space while having CP. A lot of my anxiety about moving out wasn’t even about leaving my family (sorry, guys). It was about being in a new place while disabled. Even though I’m living with my boyfriend now, I can’t count on him being around all the time. The man’s got to work and do things in the real world, too. That kind of reliance on my part is just not feasible, not sustainable and unrealistic. It’s also to my detriment.
Being in my family home is another story. Reliance who? I know that space inside out. If I wanted to, I could walk around, without crutches, in the dark. With my eyes closed. You get the point. It was home base. I knew every centimeter of the living space and how to get around without crutches and not fall flat on my face. Believe it or not, I actually got a lot of pushback from my own family members about it. It made zero sense.
Why are you walking around without crutches? Buy yourself a new pair to use inside. You could fall. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t mean to be blasé about falling. Falling is serious business if not done properly. I know that better than most people. I just mean this: sure, I could’ve gotten a new pair of crutches. But I didn’t. Want to know why? My family home is likely the only place on earth where I can walk without an assistive device. I usually held onto the wall or furniture from time to time, but barely, if that makes any difference.
And I know, I know. Walking unassisted isn’t everything. It’s not the end all be all or even the end goal at this point. It’s just a nice change of pace. My crutches go everywhere with me. On walks, to school, in taxis, on the subway, on airplanes…everywhere. Sometimes I just need a little break. It’s not like we’re breaking up for good…please calm down.
All that to say, my new goal is to make my apartment my home base. Which means I want to eventually navigate the apartment with my cane. Yes, my cane. I’ll admit it’s been a long time since I’ve used my single point cane to walk anywhere. Yikes. It’s not easy. It’s difficult as hell to go from forearm crutches to a single point cane. I really should’ve paid more attention in physical therapy with that thing. You might be wondering, why aren’t I using my crutches in the apartment? Well, the apartment is on the second floor, and it’s too much of a hassle to carry the crutches up and down the stairs every time I need to go out. So, I leave the crutches down by the entrance. Psst…I used to do that at my family home, too. You know what they say about old habits.
In any case, walking around the apartment with a cane and doing so with fluidity isn’t going to magically happen overnight. It takes time and patience. One, I suppose I have. The other… not so much. Feel like guessing which one I’m referring to?
And that’s not even the coolest new development with living away from the fam. My new apartment has a bathtub. ….No, that’s not the cool part. The cool part is I have a special transfer chair that allows me to shower even with a bathtub that’s obnoxious and in the way. Believe me, when I discovered that chair, it blew my world apart in the best possible way. It meant I didn’t have to limit my options to only apartments with walk-in showers, even though those are so, so nice. But anyway, this shower chair allows me to easily slide over the tub. I just have to carefully lift my legs over the lip of the tub and boom. Good to go.
Don’t get me wrong, the first time I tried to shower with the chair, it was a complete and total disaster. I had never used it before and didn’t pay attention to the instruction video — my bad — so I kept hitting the wrong button. You push a lever to swivel the chair in and out….yes, it’s fancy and swivels…. and another button to slide the chair into the bathtub. Well, anxious me got the buttons all mixed up. Oh, this all happened while the water was spraying wildly every which way. Did I forget to mention that the temperature for this shower is hypersensitive? Well…yep. One minute the water was burning hot and the next I thought I was turning into an icicle. My boyfriend couldn’t figure out which way to turn the damn knobs. Poor guy. Told ya. Disaster. It was so bad that I started crying. Not easy for me to cry, by the way.
Relax. This story has a happy ending! Just the other day I was able to shower completely on my own. I even adjusted the temperature and dodged a trip to icicle-land. You guys. That’s a major win! To be blunt, many of the non-disabled people in my life might not realize how major that is. Well… it’s very major. I’ve always hated having to rely on others for things that are so intimate and vulnerable like showering and/or bathing. So I told myself… eff that! Even though I was nervous to do it solo and without supervision, I was so proud of myself for taking the plunge. Don’t worry, I was super careful. The only thing I couldn’t do alone was adjust the shower head so that the water hit me more while I sat in my new chair. Can’t reach the freaking thing.
Can we pause for a minute and discuss the glory that is showering while sitting down? All of you who shower while standing exclusively…you’re missing out! Talk about relaxation and less anxiety about slipping in the tub. Now, I did have to lean in more when washing my hair, but I’m sure I’ll quickly learn how to move the shower head so that the whole experience is even less uncomfortable in the future. *Homer Simpson voice* Woo hoo!
That’s it for now. I’ll try to post more often. In the meantime, maybe anyone who’s still out there can send a message to the academia gods and tell them to keep an eye on me. Law school is (still) no joke. Eep! Like I always say….one day at a time.
The Spastic Diplege 