So, I completely missed posting on World CP Day. Man…MAJOR sigh. Law school isn’t exactly conducive to a lot of blogging. Or generous in giving me time to blog. Or to write in general. I know, it sucks. Oh, and this year I finally remembered to get World CP Day merch, too. A nice tee shirt with a pretty elephant on it. At least I took a picture. And here’s a post to go with it. Can you forgive me?
For me, World CP Day isn’t just the 6th of October. It’s every day. So if you think about it that way, this post isn’t so late. Right? …Right, everyone?
Rather than seem repetitive about how CP has shaped my life, worldview, perspective…here’s something I wish more non-disabled people understood about living with CP: every day is different.
Take the other day, for example. My hamstrings felt really sore, like I’d just worked out at the gym. A lot. Well, I hate to admit it but I definitely did not go to the gym that day or the day preceding it. I haven’t gone to the gym in weeks. Don’t hate me. I’m not happy about it. Law school is demanding, this semester especially is grueling…it’s rough out here. Ultimately, I have to do better about putting exercise into my unforgiving, hectic schedule. Period. Send good vibes or motivation into the universe, please. Your girl needs it.
Anyway. That pain in my hamstrings got me thinking a lot about CP and chronic pain. Now, I’m not in the position to write up some medical literature or any kind of scientific piece on my disability in general, because…well, we all know what happened when I tried to do the whole doctor thing. It was NOT for me. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. However, it should be common knowledge, in my opinion, that pain is a common secondary condition associated with cerebral palsy. Those that don’t know that, should. Or at least should figure it out pretty easily. And if you genuinely didn’t know that….now you do. Congratulations!
Now, what I really wanted to do was find some statistics on what the prevalence of chronic pain in adults with cerebral palsy. You know, adults like me. When I happened to have a solid, free five seconds that wasn’t dominated by classes or studying or reading cases, I started researching. It didn’t go well. I thought any information on CP and chronic pain was just… generally accessible. Ha! NOPE. Although, I will say that according to the Cerebral Palsy Foundation, 1 in 2 people with CP live with chronic pain daily.
(…Psst! The Cerebral Palsy Foundation has a fantastic active Instagram account. You should all go follow it. You follow my blog, so why not, right? IG handle: yourcpf
…you’re welcome).
Apparently, 1 in 2 people with CP live with chronic pain. Yikes. You must be wondering if I’m included in that group. In my humble opinion, yes I am. At least I think so. I have some kind of physical pain daily. Honestly, it’s not as bad as it might sound. Little soreness there, aches here…tightness everywhere. It’s likely because I haven’t been stretching as much as I should.
Sounds terrible, right? Hey, it’s the honest truth. Like I alluded to before, law school isn’t exactly conducive to frequent exercise. I mean, not for me lately. Now, stress, that’s a different story. Anxiety? Of course. Pressure? You bet. I keep telling myself I’m going to buy a recumbent bike for my new apartment. I need to get on that. I need to do a lot of things. You should see my list!
Anyway. The pain I feel day to day can be isolating sometimes. Like I’m the only person in the world who’s experiencing it. Just the other week, I went down a rabbit hole of chronic pain anxiety…that almost never happens to me. I am not the patient who Googles her symptoms. Never have been. Nor have I thought too hard about getting old and what’ll happen then. I mean, from time to time I will. It’s just not a headspace I like to be in regularly. Thankfully, last week a good friend of mine rescued me from my rabbit hole and prescribed me chocolate and a movie. She’s not a doctor. She just knows I love chocolate and movies. Like I said…a good friend.
Over the years, I’ve become skilled at distinguishing between different kinds of pain. Sharp, dull, throbbing, achey….the list goes on and on. Usually, I can quickly tell what pain is stop-what-you’re-doing serious and what pain is transient. This skill is rather useful when you live with CP. Most days after I wake up in the morning, I say to myself, ok, what kind of pain am I going to be in today? That’s not meant to be depressing. It’s actually supposed to be a little funny. You know, self-deprecating humor, maybe. A little cynical. The point is, just like every person with cerebral palsy is different, what they deal with day to day is too. Some days I feel great. Others… not so much. Like the weird hamstring pain I got. That wasn’t fun at all. Thankfully, that pain is gone as I write this.
I’m one hundred percent positive that I am always pushing my body to its limit with what I do in my daily life as a law student. Is that ok? Don’t know…but it’s necessary. At this point I just want to get through school. You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
So, this may seem like a far cry from my bubbly, first-year-law-student blog posts. Don’t worry. I still try to be positive and take each day as it comes. It’s not as easy as it sounds but I try regardless of ease. Guess nobody told me that the really difficult year of law school is your second one. Thank you for that! Just can’t tell if that’s a universal experience or just my own, though. Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. I appreciate you. Until next time.
The Spastic Diplege 