Dreams, Fears, Hopes, SDR

Don’t Forget To Feel Proud

As the end of this year draws near, I’d like to take a moment and reflect on one thing I accomplished that I’m proud of. 2020 was a tough one for all of us. Twelve months in. We all made it this far amidst so much tragedy and loss. We could all use some joy, right?

I’m proud of going through with surgery. By now, everyone knows what a hard decision it was to have it done in the first place. The back and forth took two years, for goodness sake. A huge sacrifice. A great leap of faith. A tremendous amount of trust. Trust in my surgeon, trust in the physical therapists and care team, even trust in myself. The assurance that I was old enough, mature enough or dare I say wise enough to make this decision. Obviously, I consulted with my parents, mentors, doctors, confidants. In the end it was up to me to pursue this. Come to think of it, I felt so much autonomy when I green-lit SDR. Was terrifying, sure––but also pretty damn empowering. At 25, I felt like I was doing the whole adulting thing pretty well for once.

Having the surgery done in February turned out to be perfect timing because it was right before major surges of the COVID-19 pandemic. Since I was in the early stages of my recovery and couldn’t really go anywhere for fun, I’d say to my friends over FaceTime that I didn’t have FOMO because everything around me had stopped anyway. Back in March/April, NYC was on complete lockdown, though my local PT facility did stay open as they were considered an essential business. I took all precautions, wore my mask and went for physical therapy as that was something I just couldn’t forgo. That’s it. Physical therapy was my only outing. Other than that, those months were as good a time as any to be hanging out at home, working on myself and other creative projects. If I didn’t have those other projects I probably would’ve lost my mind.

It was a difficult choice, recovery/rehab is still difficult at times but totally worth it. My mentor once told me everything worth it is tough. Deciding to return to surgery, something I thought I’d left in the past, launched me completely out of my comfort zone. There were suddenly so many unknowns, unanswered questions. A whole lotta doubt. Fear. Anxiety. I’m a planner, one-hundred percent, so to feel all these things without knowing the exact outcome scared me to my core. What would my walking look like, feel like? Would my quality of life be better? Worse? It was like I was preparing to dive into a large, dark body of water without knowing how deep it was. Yep. Scary as all hell. Ultimately, though, I leapt right in. Couldn’t have done it without my family, friends, loved ones. I can say with full confidence I’d do it all over again. But y’know what they say about hindsight being 20/20. In the end, my mentor was absolutely right. Mind you, she gave me that piece of advice back when I was 18 years old, about to head off to college and the rest of my life. Still applies today. I think about it often as I’m faced with other big decisions.

Enough about me. I’d like to hear from you. What’s something you’ve accomplished this year that you’re proud of?